love overflow

held back by fear
Learning peace has developed in me a respect coming out of love for others that I formerly was not able to obtain. I was not able to obtain that respect for others, though I greatly desired it, because I could not walk in love. I could not walk in love because I was holding onto my perceived right to vengeance. I longed to have a deep respect for others, and I knew that that respect would come out of a true love for others, but fear of others presided in the place where love should have been. I do not say that my actions toward others would have revealed my lack of respect, because I did my best to behave respectfully simply because in my head I knew that that was the right thing to do. But in my heart, I feared others' views and held myself apart from them because I was afraid their beliefs would cause me to doubt my own. I could not afford to doubt my own beliefs (so I thought) because I knew that I was shakey in them and barely able to stand up with them, let alone without them.

released to love
But I came to a place where my beliefs were focused on Jesus, more than on the ideas of common man. And as my ideas became more focused on Jesus, I was able to welcome the idea of Jesus' gospel of peace, even though (sadly) it went against so much that I had been taught about Christian religion. And then, when I was able to welcome the idea of Jesus' gospel of peace, suddenly, it was as if my heart were waiting for this news, because it sprang open to love others, which made me able to respect them, even their own beliefs.

It's a relief, really. Because I have always wanted to learn from others; to listen in love about their beliefs instead of listening in fear--which only propagated condemnation for my companion. If you listen in fear, you can not really learn anything.

increase of love
I think that I have written something like this (my first blog posting). But I wanted to write this again, because it has developed a bit inside of me, and also because I am still in awe at what Jesus can do to a heart. Since learning Jesus's gospel of peace, I have increasingly grown so full of love for people that sometimes I think it might spill out. I long for ways that I can reach out to someone, to maybe make their life a little better if even only for a moment. I walk around so full of some kind of love that I want to ask someone "do you see it on me? Do I look ridiculous--because I'm holding it in now--this love--I'm holding it in because I don't know yet how to let it out." So God has given me this love and I have to figure out how to walk in it, how to use it, what God intended me to do with it, exactly. One thing I have discovered: that love is powerful.

love for you too!
I hope that if you are reading this, you will follow after Jesus with all of your heart, that you will do so in spirit and in truth so that you are able to receive the love that he so freely gives. He is the most beautiful and precious person I know; and I love him so much. And he's rich! I know that he is, because this love he gave me is worth far more than anything I could work for, or try to get on my own. And he's got more to give!