in god's time

So God showed me this, that I need to delve into the deepness of him. Didn’t he tell me yesterday to look at him? Yes, he did. So I guess this is a pattern.
“I use patterns.”
“You do? Why?”
“Because if I didn’t, you would not be able to understand me.”
“But God, you seem so unpredictable.”
“If you studied me, you would see that my unpredictability is not random. It only seems that way to you because you only tune in to me a very small amount in the scheme of things.”
“But it seems like I spend a lot of time with you.”
“You do. You spend your time.”
“Who else’s time should I spend?”
“Mine.”
“What does that mean, God?”
“I can give you my time—the way I exist in time.”
“And how do you exist in time?”
“I am compact, existing in all time, and I am continuous, no time existing in me.
“I don’t think I can comprehend that God. It’s difficult.”
“I will show you.”
“How.”
“Step by step. The first step, ask me for my time.”
“Okay God. Please give me your time.”
“I have given it. I am giving it and I will continue to give it. It is yours.”
“Okay. Was I supposed to get something out of that?”
“Yes.”
“Well, I think I missed it. I sense that there is something in that that I need to understand, but I can’t grasp it.”
“In the continuum of time, you will see the patterns. But in the small window through which you peer ‘when you feel like it’ you will see randomness. You are the one who is random. You come to me randomly, so you receive randomly. When you become consistent, you will see the patterns. In the patterns, you will see that the greatness of my existence swallows up time, making it no time, and that it is in my compactness that I exist in all time. When you look at time, you may or may not see me; but when you look at me, you will not see time.”
“God, I don’t get this. I feel like maybe I’m making it up.”
“You will soon understand.”
“Whatever. This is too much. Or its too much of me, or I don’t know. God, where do you stop and I begin?”
“I stop when you begin; I begin again when you stop (I say this this way because this is how you can understand it best. But in all truth, I never stop. In the deep, I am there, working.)”
“Wow. I get this. I "began" just a moment ago, when doubt came in and I said this was ‘too much.’ That’s when all that stuff you were saying stopped. I let myself--my own fears, take over.”
“Yes, and now you are allowing me to begin again.”
“But yet you never stopped. I just couldn’t see you anymore.”
“Yes you were looking at time, where I exist in compactness, you were not looking at me, where my greatness swallows up time. That’s why you couldn’t see me. I was working in time, underneath your doubt.”
“I allowed the doubt to rise up.”
“I allowed the doubt to rise up.” (This is God speaking)
“What do you mean?”
“Because I stepped down, to get beneath it.”
“Wow! Yes, yes! You don’t have to step down to anything. So why do you step down in this case?”
“Because you wanted doubt to be there instead. I could stay there if I wanted. But I will not go where you don’t want me.”
“Why would I want doubt to be there instead of you?”
“Because you don’t understand me. My ways are not your ways. What you don’t understand you are afraid of.”
“Why would I be afraid of you?”
“Because you think I will disgrace you in front of humans. You care more about what they think, than what I think. That is why you want doubt to take my place—so that I won’t do the thing you think I will do—which is disgrace you.”
“So would you disgrace me?”
“You can only be disgraced if you are not confident in who I am.”
“So, this must mean that I am not confident in who you are.”
“Which takes us back to the first thing I said.”
“What’s that?”
“Look at me. Find out who I am.”
“In your book.”
“Yes, in my word.”