time to serve

since i understood for myself jesus' gospel of peace, i have been searching for where and how i can serve that gospel--where do i fit in? my church recently had a "justice revival" where they talked about social justice issues and encouraged us to reach out to those who are hungry, oppressed and in need of any kind. it was a three day revival that ended with a fourth day (a saturday) where we went out and actually did service of some kind. the team i served on went to a food pantry in columbus to give food to the hispanic population in need. for me, it wasn't enough. it was such a small thing to do. and all it did was make me want to do more.

many people look for a sign. "just give me a sign, god, that you exist and then i will believe," they say. these same people look at the hurt and injustice in the world and say "god doesn't exist. for how could a loving god exist and allow all of this evil to happen in the world?" i believe god exists. and i believe he is mighty aware of the hurt and injustice in the world. and i believe that is why he made me. and that is why he made you. it's really time to do more. jesus is out there. i know that he is out there somewhere and i need to find him. i am thinking of the passage in scripture where jesus tells his disciples that they did, indeed, clothe him, feed him, care for him in prison when they did these things for anyone who was in need of them.

i was up late into the night looking at charity and social justice organizations on the internet. there are so many places to serve, so many needs that need to be met. i am writing this here because i believe it's time to get aggressive about serving those who are hurting. i'm not looking for a sign. the hurting cry out loudly. they are my sign. but i won't see it until i serve them. i need to start reaching out, somewhere, anywhere--i don't think it matters. i don't think finding "my place" is important. i just need to do--even if i feel i am groping in the dark as i begin to do it. i believe it's time to seek the face of jesus.

love-ease

god, who are you that you love me
only for who i am and nothing more?
there is no work that i must do
no effort to put forward
no task to take to hand
no striving.

god, who are you that you love me
to dance with me where i go?
there is no mis-step taken
no fall too great
no learning embitters
no music to fear.

god, who are you that you love me
even in the middle of the making?
there is no flaw unbeautiful
no assymetry undivine
it is all good, you say
all handmade, mine.

your love is simple, easy
i have no questions
no what if's to ask
no fears to hold
only awe that embraces me
at your love-ease.

neither do i condemn you

How does God heal emotional hurts? Gently, tenderly and with compassion. I'm thinking about a compassionate mother who holds her hurting, crying child because something has gone wrong in her child's life; I'm thinking about a nurse who gently, quietly nurses her patient and slips out of the room, unnoticed when a family member arrives; I'm thinking about a teacher who listens attentively to her pupil who is excited about what she saw on the way to school, because she knows its likely no one else will listen. This is how God heals, gently, tenderly and with compassion.

I used to think that when we sin, and hurt from our own sins, that we were on our own. If the sin made us cry, well, then, too bad. We're the ones who messed up. It's our fault, and we need to deal with it. But I am beginning to realize that God has compassion on us when we hurt, even when it is our own fault, our own wayward hearts that has placed us in the position to be hurt. I am reminded of the woman who was about to be stoned because she was "caught in the very act of adultery." Jesus did not condemn her, but rather, he defended her. "He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her," he told them. And then he wrote something on the ground. They all left, one by one, till she was left alone with Jesus. "Woman where are they," Jesus asked. "Did no one condemn you?" She said, "no one, Lord." And he answered her and said, "then neither do I condemn you."

So he doesn't condemn her. But he says, "now go. And sin no more."

And with these words, Jesus does not offer her an excuse for her behavior. But in his response to her in front of the crowd, he does offer her something else--something better than an excuse. He offers her love. He offers her love and out of that love, he offers her acceptance despite what she has been caught doing.

And I think this is the way God heals us in our sin. He loves us, tenderly, gently and with great compassion. This is important because it means we don't need to depart from God when we sin. We need to draw closer to him. We need to draw closer so we can hear his voice more clearly when he says "neither do I condemn you." I think these are the words we need to hear first, before we can hear, or accept, his next words: "now go. And sin no more."

We have sinned in the first place because we lack something in our lives. How difficult it is to break away from that sin if we don't believe that when we break away, we go flying into our Father's arms. How can we throw ourselves on his shoulder if we feel we are condemned by him? We can not. So let us draw close to Jesus, even and especially in the midst of our sin. We need to hear him say "neither do I condemn you; neither do I condemn you; neither do I condemn you." I believe if we listen closely, he will say these words to us until we can hear the next: "now go, and sin no more."

On Thought: A Theory of Creativity and Love

It's as though regular thought were done in a circle. Day to day, on a normal basis all the thoughts we need can be found within that circle. Thoughts about paying our bills, organizing the closet, getting the next high, getting from A to B, fulfilling a selfish desire, figuring out how to keep the status quo--these are all the type of thoughts I call "circle thought." They are circle thoughts because they are circular--they go nowhere and they take the person right back to where they started. No ground is gained. No problem is solved. No love is found.

But one can break that circle, or find exits and entryways to various rooms outside that circle. These people exist in "exit thought." Some people only find one or two rooms, and they visit them all the time; thus, these "exit thoughts" become normal--they become a part of their circle thought--its just that the circle has expanded a bit. This is because, when these people are in those rooms, they do not examine them. They do not look in all the corners and underneath objects--and they do not talk to all of the people in there. Instead, they only see one or two people, and they can be found standing in the room too stunned to do much else . . . like a deer caught in headlights. And as long as they are like this, they do not see anything. Thus, when they come back into the realm of "circle thought" they are little affected.

But some, find not only exit doors by which to leave the circle, but they also find windows and cracks. First of all, when they find the exit doors and walk through them, they have the boldness to search that room (for doors lead only to other rooms), to talk to all the people and to observe them. They look under things, in things and around things. When they come back to the circle, if they have that rare commodity called dedication and if they have the audacity to believe what they have seen in those others rooms (even though these rooms are not like the room that makes up their circle thought), then they will attempt to record or recreate what they find--it is these people--those who have the boldness to go in the first place, the stamina to record and recreate, and the audacity to believe who are artists and creators.

Those who find windows have always found doors first and, through the courage they gained going through the doors, they find the courage to crawl through the windows. Thus, they enter "window thought." What they find outside these "windows" is amazing, for windows lead beyond the rooms--windows lead out far beyond "circle thought." If this person is a writer, she will find the story behind the story, before the story, within the story. The dangerous thing about "window thought" is that sometimes, for various reasons, it can be difficult to get back through the window. Those who go too far, rarely find their way back. Those who stay within sight of their window, or who mark their way, find their way back through and when they come back through to "circle thought," they write masterpieces, classics, they are able to solve problems, invent things, they paint and sculpt timelessly and they compete with an endurance fueled by a deeper inspiration.

And there are those who find access to other rooms or to the outside through the cracks, the slivers and openings in the walls and doors. They may have at one time left their circle and ventured out, or they may venture out in the future. But for now, they remain on the inside, seeing (and sometimes remembering or hoping for) what is on the outside, but not in its entirety. They have an idea of what's on the other side, but they prefer to tell it as they see it through these openings. It may appear that fear of what's on the other side is what holds these people back, however, they remain where they are for the love of their circle thought friends, even though they are enamored by the mystery they see through the cracks, the slivered openings in the walls. The other side never loses its beauty to them, yet they never lose touch with those who are stuck in circle thought. These people lend hope to those in circle thought, they are able to help translate what was found in window thought and door thought and bring it to circle thought level. These people are beautiful, because they are light shiners, they are lovers, they are nurturers, they are peace keepers, they are helpers, they are teachers. They may not get the glory of their window and door co-thinkers, but they have a far greater calling to hold the hands of circle thinkers and exit thinkers; they have a far greater calling to comfort the anxieties exit thinkers experience and embrace the circle thinkers in their sorrow. These people live in "open thought." They are open thinkers.

Each one is a circle thinker at some time in their life, and perhaps will always be a circle thinker in certain parts of their lives, even while they are exit thinkers in another area. Circle thinkers often at one time in their life dreamed of being exit thinkers. And so we share this as our commonality--we all need the open thinkers who think with open arms.

Ramblings on Imagination

I think I have a story that could express what I feel. The worlds that I know--I said they seem to me too real to exist inside my head, my heart. I don't believe they do. I could suggest that they are in my imagination. But imagination is in the brain, is it not? Perhaps, but I see imagination as something that may, indeed, have a place in the brain, but that extends beyond that limited entity. I say "limited" because it is my belief that though we have the capacity to go much further than we do with our brains, there is something inside each (or most) of us that sets boundaries beyond which we do not endeavor to cross. We do not cross these boundaries for fear--fear of what lurks beyond them, I suppose. Perhaps insanity.

We also do not cross these boundaries for laziness, or slothfulness. We have learned to become content with what we know, in fact, we feel we do not need to know much more than we know--the mere normal person anyhow. When I speak of our capacity to "go further" with our brains, I do not mean the brain as only an intellectual capacity--for if that were all there was, then, certainly, many people have gone much further and continue to use their intellectual capacity to achieve success. But I am speaking of the brain on a higher--spiritual level. The spiritual level is one that "sees." The spiritual level is one that would open up all other areas to our understanding. But I digress.

The main concern for me here is to express my ideas on the imagination. As I said earlier, I believe the brain takes part in imagination--or rather I said "imagination has a place in the brain," but what better expresses my idea is that the brain takes part in imagination. The brain utilizes imagination.

Imagination is a living entity that can not be entirely captured or controlled. It is not something that is contained within one person. It is fluid and flows through and within and between people, and across boundaries of space and time. So, these worlds that I say I know, these people and places and story ideas I have in my imagination--they are all a part of IMAGINATION--that thing which is fluid. These "story ideas" come from another time, another place. This feeling which is beautiful and ugly and large and nanoscale all at the same time is not my own. It comes to me from IMAGINATION.

And only because I will myself to be open to the possibility of IMAGINATION as a living entity, am I at all able to place their lives (these characters of mine) on paper. In fact, as of yet, I've only begun to take those first small steps. I have only begun to see IMAGINATION in this way. Even now, I fail to purely describe IMAGINATION fully, the way I see it. But I will never be able to do that for it is fluid--like water--and we can not grasp water fully--but we can drink of it, and we can hold a portion of it. When a person does not drink water, their skin loses elasticity. In the same way, a person who does not allow IMAGINATION to flow through them loses elasticity of thought. And I'll stop the parallel here for now. :-)